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“There are a lot of negotiators that really will give in on a deal because being understood is more important than getting what they want.” Chris Voss, the FBI’s former lead hostage negotiator said.
In fact, the first thing master-negotiator Voss teaches is you need to empathize with your counterpart on the other side.
Say that again? Voss was negotiating with kidnappers and terrorists, and he said empathy is the most important thing?
How on earth can you empathize with a terrorist or a kidnapper?
My goodness. Empathize with killers? There just is no way you can do that. But that misses the true utility of empathy.
- Empathy doesn’t mean you agree with where the other side is coming from, but…
- Empathy does mean you try and show the other side you understand where they are coming form.
That’s a huge difference. Because the other side will be willing to communicate with you if they believe you understand them.
And why will a terrorist, kidnapper, or an employee believe you understand them? Let’s say you go the extra mile, and you truly make the effort to…
